learning to trust and to learn when its time.

I have the hardest time trusting anyone. Its something I am really working on.
God has really battled with me this year about learning to trust Him, others and even myself. It is not something I am comfortable with.

One thing I have really had to learn was to wait. There is a distinction between waiting out of obligation and willingly waiting. As the semester came to an end I was eager to preserver with what I thought I wanted in life, soon I would realize that would come to a confining halt.

I have been running off of little to no motivation. Working two jobs as well as juggling school and friends, can become tiring. I would go weeks with out talking to the people that meant the most in my life, because I just "didn't feel" like catching them up about my life. I began to become a bitter person because I was not happy where I was in life. I began to think I would be judged for my progress.


To allow myself to trust was as if the sky was falling. It seemed painful and uncomfortable as well as something that could never happen.
I am grateful for those friends who have not given up on me but still are my friends despite my many flaws and insecurities and issues :) My friend Taylor really has pushed me this semester about trusting and even shown me how to just be okay with my circumstances and surroundings. I am surprised that she has not given up on me, and I am thankful for that.

God has really been tough on me the past few months. At first it was my natural instinct to become defensive and angry.
He has really taught me how to trust and how to wait for HIS TIMING. I have tried so many times to surpass it but I will find myself at his feet and asking for his patience.

God really is showing me how trust is an important part of my life, and something that I really struggle with. A week ago a good friend of mine shared how he felt about me. I am the kind of person that does not share emotions nor do I know how to handle them. I just beat myself up for being a "dumb girl" is what I call it.
I was a bit mad for awhile because I couldn't fathom why it was the right timing now and not a few months ago. Even though then I would have reacted possibly worse. I am being reminded that friendships take work and time. Not just wanting a friendship to grow and a relationship to be formed overnight. But loving every bit of the journey and the time.

I have talked about a particular friend more than once in these blogs.
He really has encouraged me to trust and encouraged my relationship with God, even in his own walk. He is back for a few more days before he leave and becomes "Mr marine man" again.


These is just two of the people I am learning to trust and seeing how much I need and love relationships especially friendships. I have not been the easiest person to get to know this year, nor have I been the most pleasant person to be around either.
I am just so grateful for the grace I have been given as well as learning God's timing is so worth waiting for, instead of wasting time and ended up even farther behind then I was.

college.

I always wanted to go to a big university. I have wanted this since I was younger. I thought that was the only way I would ever go to college. My high expectations failed.
I am just about to complete my first semester of college, and you wanna hear something? I am okay with that. I have learned so much this semester.
I am big with lists so here it is.

1. I have learned how much I love my family, even though I am ready to get out of the house.
2. I have seen who are actually my true friends. It has been impossible to keep up with any of them who have left San Antonio, and even with those who live here.
3. I know what to look forward to.
4. I have had some amazing opportunities and times here in my home town.
5. I have met some pretty amazing people this semester, at work and at school.
6. I have learned where I stand with God,
7. there are many more.

I really have met some great people in my classes, especially my photography class.
We have become so close that I am not sure I am going to handle not seeing them. At first I was a bit surprised at how many older people where in my photography class, but not soon after I was grateful. You hear way too often that older people have stories and wisdom, but until I met them I did not believe this to be 100% true.
I loved the hour talks we would have before class, or the time in the lab.
They are amazing people,
from talking about one ladies husband dying from cancer, to one girls mom suffering from cancer, to talking to mom's about their kids, to gaining knowledge about photography from professionals, to talking about religion and even talking to veterans about war and what they went through.
I have loved getting to see their photography, it really is a way to express yourself.
I do not know what I am going to go next semester, it seemed that most of my time at school was spent in the journalism building. Its funny but all through high school I lived in the journalism room. I spend every day in their my senior year especially. I ate, I slept, I worked and I enjoyed life in that class.

IT WAS my life in high school. Year book that is.

I guess my life wasn't really different this year than last year.
I suppose that was a comfort thing.
I am taking a break from being in the journalism building this semester to focus on my core classes. However I will promise one thing, it will not last long. JOURNALISM IS MY MAJOR. :)


thanks for reading,
sorry it was hard to follow

blog.

I have not been keeping up this blog as much as I would like.
I have however been enjoying my 365 day blog.
take a look :)


http://amys-365dayjourney.blogspot.com