I have come a long way.

A few weeks ago if you had asked me what I was planning on doing in the fall my answer would have been the same- "I am not sure yet."
Every time someone asked me where I was going to college I would roughly reply "Probably nowhere." or "I am really not sure if I want to even go to college."

I had no will or desire or some times I will admit I had no strength to even attend college. I was to much weighed down by my own piety to even think about possibilities.
It seemed everyone was going to some great university and little me was here undecided. If only there was a school for the undecided that you needed not to have great grades or a plan, that would be my school.

It wasn't until about 3 days before school was going to start that I actually had signed up for classes. A few weeks prior to that I registered but didn't go the full nine yards just yet.
Now I am attending college at a community college, getting a few basics done, nothing to spectacular.
yet, I have been blessed. I am taking a class with two of my favorite people, something that I never would have imagined to happen. It is truly a God thing, because this is about the only time it will ever be. I have also met some really great people in some other classes that I look forward to getting to know this semester. Of course I miss my friends who went off to college but I am glad that I can find more peace in waiting what his plan and not taking it into my own hands. That was not too successful for me this past summer.

while I may not have a plan right now, nor am I attending a university, I am learning that God has me exactly where he wants me and when time allows He will move me. I would not have given up things even this beginning of the fall. For example taking my little brother to his first day of kindergarten.

my brothers on their first day of school.

Thank you God for putting me exactly where you want me to be, and never giving up on me. No matter how stubborn I am.

other ways to say good bye.

Latley it has been hard to say goodbye.
That is an odd thing to be because that is one of a little child's first motion or word.

To me saying good bye is a hard thing to do. It is also hard seeing everyone go off to college while I am still residing here. It is not a comfortable thing for me the ponder. I would rather be leaving and going to college like so many are. I am a bit discouraged about everything that has been happening recently. I am trying to remind myself that there is a reason I am still here. That is not an easy thing to do, nor is it something I want to consider.

I am however grateful for the friends that are still here with me, the ones that I look forward to getting to know even better this year. I am going to spend a lot of time investing into the lives of those who are here and those who I have failed to get to know on a deeper level.

I am saddened by the fact that many of my good if not best friends are starting a new journey in their lives, but I am excited to see what God has in stored for mine.
There are a few friends in particular that I am having a harder time grasping that they are not a car ride away anymore, but that is something that will take time.

saying goodbye is not a motion nor is it a word, it is acknowledgment that a simple word such as that will not end a friendship. There is more to a friendship then just getting to know each other, and then the next second you form a new friendship. It is about opening yourself to allowing God to work through your life and form a relationship with those He has put in your path. It has been a hard thing for me to learn that sometimes you have to find it within yourself to realize that some friendships are unhealthy and not pleasing to God, no matter how hard you try to look at it a different way or justify the friendship.

Sometimes in means becoming distance from those who you consider a good friend because
it is easier to pull someone down then it is to bring them up.

2 Corinthians 6:14-17
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? ¹⁵What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? ¹⁶What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people."
¹⁷"Therefore come out from them
and be separate, says the Lord.
Touch no unclean thing,
and I will receive you."

I am going to miss some of the friendships I had this past year and I am not writing them off as something of the past but I think it is a wonderful thing that there are more Amazing people when you share the same connection-Jesus Christ.

A goodbye is not spoken and meant in its full content when a Real friendship is at hand.

where faith comes in.

"Even though I may fall flat on my face, I am realizing You Lord will be there to pick me up."

I have been praying and talking to God as well as a few great friends of mine recently.
It has been a very uncomfortable thing for the last few days. I feel the Lord is tugging at my heart and leading me a completely different way, and while I am excited about that I am not pleased.
I literally was arguing to Him and telling him that I didn't understand His plans for my life anymore. I am a very stubborn person. A lot of the times it will take me falling flat on my face before I realize that it would be so much easier to listen and obey God the first time but many of times it will almost take a whale to swallow me before I am sent on the road that God has planned for me.


I am not going to go into a large number of details because it is still something I am very much praying and thinking about. It has to do with deciding what I am meant to do with my life. I never thought I would reconsider not going to college. That has always been one of my hopes and dreams. Something I thought I was destined to do.
The more I want to avoid and pretend He is not speaking to me to louder and clearer He talks to me. I have not heard his voice this clear in a LONG time. I was telling a good friend of mine that just last night and while doing tears started to stream out of my eyes. I began to realize that this truly is of the Lord, for it was not tears of sadness but tears or anxiousness as well just surrendering.

This is a time in my life where my faith and trust really is being tested. I am really seeking prayer as well as seeking advice to those closest to me right now. This is going to be something that I feel will be a life changing event, but it will also show me A greater picture of God's plan for my life. No matter how far off it is from what I thought and very much out of my comfort zone.

The Lord reaveled to me that he is letting everything seem chaotic and out of my reach right now because he clearly told me just a few days ago "Amy, if only you would trust me and listen to my voice. I have different plans for you life." I was in complete shock.

I keep remembering Samuel thought he was hearing Eli calling out to him and repeatedly went to Eli to ask if he was calling for him.
I myself keep hearing God's voice but repeatedly doubt it is God.

"Speak, for your servant is listening." (Samuel 3:10)