may I call you friend?

I am not having the best week, last week was not GREAT but it surpassed this week.
just a random note.
bare with me I have a lot on my mind.
if I lose you I am sorry.

I care, I care,
How much should I stress that?
I long for love that is real and deep.
If your love only meets the surfaceAnd stops there,
That won’t work for me,
Too much to expect?

I can’t understand why it’s hard-
For me to love.
If I tell you I love you.
Then know I mean it.
That is not something that comes easy to me.

There is no shield blocking.
No detour involved
.I am not one to walk around with a mask,
Yet why can’t you see who I am?

It hurt when I was told I wasn’t liked-
For who I am.
What is wrong with me?
Something must be.

I am not trying to gain the approval.
Of anyone for that matter,
That is not worth my time.
Don’t you see?
But then why did it hurt to hear-
I am a disappointment?
Not the first time
That was spoken.
It still hurt the same
It was not expected.
Or had occurred in a while.

I can’t keep a relationship,
Not even with a friend.
I stop to think-
Something wrong with me?
Indeed.
I am not a bad person,
Is that what you see?
My friend- may I call you that?
I am not worth your time and effort.
I don’t have much to give.
So why does it seem there a lot to lose?
I don’t have much to contribute.
Yet I try so hard.

There is a sadness that is within
,Some in the process of dealing with.
And the other bit is uncovered,
I am giving it to God.
I can’t deal with it alone.

Time is passing,
A moment, a breath too quickly.
I need to find peace
Just to get on with the day.

This is not to make you feel sorry for me,
Nor for you to feel you need to encourage me
.This is just me thinking out loud
and
A request for prayer.
I need the fruits of the spirits.
But mostly I need strength.
I am not sulking,
I am not depressed
I am just not having the best few days.
But I believe there is A GREATER JOY TO BE FOUND.