I needed this.

just as I am about to go to bed. REALLY frustrated with everything that is going on right now in my life. I fail to remember to go to God!
I decided I would continue to read Ecclesiastes 4. As I have been reading the last few nights.
I AM IN AWE of the two verses I believe God is telling me right now.
I want to elaborate on this later but I will give a quick summary now.

the first is 4 verse 16. "...This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind." You will not find true happiness until you completely open your heart to God. or in my situation, I wont find love or a relationship until I fully allow myself to be loved, or even more deeper to allow myself to love MYSELF and love God and accept his love. (easier said than done.)
I am hurting right now. I am hurting you hear?
I will flat out say it.
I may always try to hid it and I can be good at it. BUT I am tried of trying that right now.
yes, yes God may be working through my life but its too much right now. I don't want to deal with it.
I just want to draw myself out of those relationships, and I will.

I need that right now.



verse two.

Ecclesiastes 4:2 and 3.
"Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart..... let your words be few."
"as a dream comes when there are many cares, so the speech of a fool when there are many words."

if that does not tell you enough then you need to read those two verses again and again.
I feel I need to just take a break from talking. Not to be quick to speak especially with what is going on right now.
PLUS I just do not feel like explaining myself right now, nor do I need to.
I am not saying if a good friend comes up to me and asks what is going on,
I am not going to avoid them like a plague but I do not necessarily have to make them believe me or justify myself.

But most importantly I am not going to try so hard to make anything work.
I am going to go with the flow. Let someone indicate the conversation this time.
I am tired of talking.
I am tired of going in circles with you.
I am finished.
MY heart is closed, my thoughts are jumbled,
my heart is confused, my brain is tired.
I am physically and emotionally worn out.