lack of communication

When I came to my blog today I was thinking I was just going to edit a blog I have been working on, but instead I felt I needed to start a new one.
Gosh life has been a bit overwhelming lately. I should be studying for a major biology test tomorrow but I have so much on my mind right now.

Its been a hard last couple of weeks but I am getting back on my feet.
The Lord really has showed me so much lately.

One of the biggest things that is bothering me is how I communicate with others.
I found out that it started here at home. My parents and I had a bit of a rocky point last week, and instead of confronting me about it, my dad wrote me a letter.
As much as I was dreading talking to him face to face It hurt that we can not communicate.

it has only shown me that is one of the major reasons I can not communicate with others. It started here at home. I can not help but blame my parents for our lack of communication.
It is sad to say that my home has never been a safe place for me, it has never been a place I could voice my opinions or be myself.

I can not stop thinking about a relationship that I have lost recently due to lack of communication. I know I am a big girl and I can make my own choices and I can change things about myself. However I am having to learn something that I should have learned when I was a kid. How to communicate, how to love someone.
It scares me to no end.

I am trying to learn to communicate, or how to allow myself to be open and to share things with others, but it is not easy.

growing up I did not tell my parents about school, about boys or about life. It was just not something that I did. My parents never met a single teacher of mine, they never went to my school unless they had to, they never even really asked me about if i had homework. They were just uninvolved as their parents were. I do not blame them, I love my parents. Yet I realize that I am completely different from the rest of my family. I can not understand why it bothers me and it does not bother my siblings.

I do take on a lot of responsibility that I gave my parents a hard time, I started this non communication myself yet it seems that my siblings communication skills with others is just as mine are.
We for some reason to not have the healthiest relationships, we can not seem to trust.
I want to apologize on my behalf.