relationships

relationships.

oh man,

I have been thinking a lot about relationships. I really am no good at keeping them or even making them. I will freely admit that. I think some of it has to do with my family, I am not pointing fingers or putting the blame on them. I am just telling the truth.

I have had some amazing talks with some friends this week, just about different relationships and how they play a role or influence in my life.

Honestly I have been enjoying spending more time with people from my church than my other friends. Not because I don't value their friendships anymore but I don't have much in common with them at this point in my life. I have also been getting a lot of crap because of my choice to see the people from church, or attending activities. I would let it bother me and it would put me in a bad mood, but I stopped and realized it really doesn't matter what other people think, I would rather spend my time with REAL people and form relationships with them then artificial relationships that do not build me up, if anything tear me down.

It is easier to be pulled down then to pull someone up. When someone told me that it really impacted me because there are so many times when a friend from school can easily say something that is hurtful because i believe it is the devil trying to get at me, or even something as simple as we just don't meet eye to eye because of our differences in morals. 

I used to be so self centered and I was just out to have a good time, what ever that involved. But I am beginning to realize you don't have to go out and party and get drunk, you can have just as much fun pleasing the lord and having clean fun. Just like the other day, hanging out with some amazing people, putting foil on our faces and making a movie, or going to grab jamba juice with a friend and just enjoying each others company.I am learning that I have some friendships I greatly value over others.

I still am no good at relationships but I am asking and praying for God to allow me to have Godly relationships and ones that last.

So if you are one of the people I have mentioned, thanks for being patient with me and just being a great friend. I am working on my relationships and thinking about the ones I had or would like to have.

if you look at my family, either side, they cant hold a relationship.Most of my aunts and uncles are deforced or single but have kids from a previous marriage, an affair, on their second or who knows how many. Sad really, but its how they are. Oh you can even look at my cousins. THEY ARE A MESS! Almost all of them have had so many boy friend/girl friends that we lose track. most of them have gotten themselves pregnant or their Girl friend. Its quite sad because none of them are on good terms with the other, or they are not even with them. It just creates more single parents or kids with out parents. It saddens me.

so some what this effects me, Yet I am one of the few in my family not to have gotten pregnant or been in multiple relationships. Although if you know me you know I have never been in a relationship. I have never had a boy friend. Yes I have likes guys and they have liked me in return but once again the relationship failed, on my part perhaps? I sometimes think about this, more often then other times. It bothers me, not so much that I am a needy person, or a dependent. I hate people that are, I have a few friends like that, they bother the crap out of me. Because we should not be dependent one people, it just leads to disappointment, save to sat about half of the time? I am not one to be dependent on anyone really, not because I don't want the security but that is just not in my nature.

I stop to think about my own relationships often. I have never had a boy friend like I have said, not because I don't want one, or because I am waiting on the right guy that I am going to marry but there must be a sign on me that I can not see that says stay away from her, her relationships fail. Someone care to help me find it so I can remove it?

I used to let this bother me more than it does now, because I m one to put blame on myself or find a fault in me. Maybe perhaps because I long for answer? I am not sure exactly. There are a lot of times I know the devil allows me to believe things that may not be true but I believe them anyways. I quite often hear myself telling myself that I am not good enough or worthy of having time invested into me. Or that I am not special enough for someone to like me for who I am. If you know me very well then you will know that many of times I will apologize for being a bother or for simple things, and I am not trying to be annoying but that is how I honestly feel most of the times.