WOW

As I look at where I am right now in life, it leaves me thinking.

Time has really passed and so much has changed even from a few months ago.

I am not always grateful for who I am but I am excited to see who I will become, in time but most importantly with the help of my Heavenly father.

My dad and I went to dinner tonight, just the two of us. While it was an awkward time it was a okay time as well. We bickered a little bit about college and the issues of paying for it, as well as some other controversial issues. We talked a lot about allowing your background to make you who you are. I argued that despite your background you can become a completely different person. I was talking to a friend earlier and I was reminded yet again about how they are such a great person regardless of some crap that they have gone through growing up. They could easily be sulking and be a miserable person or maybe even not to that extent but could very easily be a completely different person, walking down the wrong path because they feel their current situation is too much or so on. Yet they are stronger than they realize and through out the short time I have known this person, I can honestly say I admire this person's happiness as well as courage to trust in God and live life to the fullest, without anything holding them back.

I look at some other friends and I see where life has brought them either through the time I have known them or even more recently those who I have just begun to form a relationship with. I have developed some of the best relationships in the past few months. Ones that I value more than some that have been a constant in my life. I have been able to trust more and more because of these relationships, and I also am learning how to be REAL and how to have a REAL relationship.

I love that through time I am right here, where I believe I am suppose to be at this time. I love that those who I needed in my life are now a huge part of my life. As I look off to college but mainly right now the end of my high school years I cant help but to be happy and sad at the same time. I am glad I have come a long way out of some things that held me back from living. I am happy to have a never ending options to how I can live life in the future. Yet I am sad to think about where I might be in a few years and having the possibilities in my head that in the future I will not be on the right track and that I missed out on opportunities. I am afraid of time passing me by without knowing what to do or even not realizing how short of time I have.

I also look at how in time I have been brought some amazing friends who just know how to make my day, and who I trust with almost anything. That when they do ask how I am doing I am able to tell them the truth and they will do the same when I ask them.

I have a little over a week until I graduate. SCARY! I feel as if I am not prepared! What a scary feeling! I spend so much time thinking that I constantly drive myself crazy.

I am excited to be out of high school and not to have to deal with all the crap that goes along with being in high school or in a public school for that matter. At the same time I am sad and a bit scared.

Time has flown by, where was I all this time?

Did I spend my time wisely?

Am I a good person? Could I be a better person?

Is there a problem with me?

Or even am I considered a friend as I consider others to be to me?