being a girl

How many times a day do I say "Ugh I hate being a girl,"? More than I can keep track of.
I am not necessarily saying I wish God had made me a boy, but I am just trying to make a point.
Being a girl is not an easy thing. Especially today in society. There are many times when I am aggravated because I am not the "ideal girl." I do not like wearing dresses or wearing shoes that make my feet hurt or add to my already clumsiness. I am a simple person, who would wear jeans and lip flops everyday if I could.

I love to see those girls younger than me all dressed up, with pounds on make up on their faces because that was never me. I have to hold myself back from wanting to give them a wipe for their face or making a remark. Even though I was never one of those girls to want to be noticed, or to be the center of attention, I do believe we struggle with the same things in life.

Being girl does not always mean we have to act like we have everything together, neat and organized. It does not mean that because I am a girl that there will always be drama and emotions. Being a girl is something completely different, and guys will never fully understand that. HA most of us girls will not either.

I am going to say this even though it is pretty embarrassing for me to say, but I will say it always.
I received my first kiss this summer. (I am blushing night now of course.)
I am 19 and that is pretty old not to have been kissed before now, but that is just the kind of person I am.

anyways....
because I am a girl and girls generally care more about relationships than guys do I was a bit love struck. Not necessarily for this guy but just in general. I beat myself up about this a lot for a few weeks. I felt like such a girl to act how I acted. Although in general I am always fighting emotions because it bugs me to show emotions.

I feel it I need to hide any emotions I feel, and I still do this.
I was talking to a good friend the other day and she noticed that when I say "oh it is okay," that it might not be. I catch myself saying "its okay." or "its fine," more than I should.

I do not like being a girl because I am afraid that people will find me annoying or that I am not worthy enough.

"oh she is just such a girl."

I hate the emotions as well as the false expectations that are put on a girl.
I am not an ordinary girl, I do not wish to be an ordinary girl.

a mental list I made in my brain today about the benefits or being a girl and the negatives.

positives.

1. are not expected to do all the yard work. (I helped my dad with trimming trees today, glad I will not be expected to go into the family business.)
2. Generally more kind.
3. can wear clothes other than jeans and shorts.
4. we can give someone a hug and no one question if we are gay.
5. look better in a two piece.

negatives.
1. can not as freely take off our shirts when its hot.
2. usually more emotional.
3. expected to be more put together.
4. apparently we are not allowed to have a close guy friend with out expectations to date him.
(that is just crap if you ask me. I have lots that are just amazing friends in my life.)
5.

ill think about more later.