family

I never wanted to need someone because I was afraid they would disappoint me and then they would be gone and out of my world, just as quickly as they had entered into it.
I was afraid I would owe them something in return. That I would be in debt to them.
Even family. It always seemed that when ever anything went wrong, or I did something to disappoint my parents (once again) that they were never going to forget it. Most of the times, even still, is it held against me. It never seemed right. I specifically remember telling a youth leader of mine that I thought my parents only loved me because the had an obligation to love me. That is a sad thing to think when you are young.

When I was younger I wanted nothing more than grandparents who loved you and took you fishing, I though that is what I was missing in my family. Silly? Maybe so. I believed that my family was missing things “normal” families needed to be a FAMILY. As I grew older I began to see that my family was no where from perfect, we have are flaws just as everyone else does. The ideas in my mind never ceased, if anything those ideas turned to to reality and some truth.

The more time I spend with my family, the more I realize a few things. They are not HORRIBLE people, but they are not always the best for me around all the time. They bring me down and bring the worst out in me sometimes. Hey I am not saying that I do not love them, because the truth is I do. Yet I am learning more and more that sometimes it is just best to get away from even things you love, for your own good.

So I ask you- What does family mean to you?
I am sure it is completely different then my definition.
The truth is when I think of family I think of my surrogate family. Those people that have been there when I needed them the most. The people who offered me a home when I was broken offering me a shelter. I can name a few people that I consider more to be family then those who are related to me. Sad? I do not think of it that way, I see it as more of a blessing that I have those people in my life to show me how a family should be.

The point of this post is not to talk about how horrible my family is but to remind myself about how God has brought me very important people in my life to act as family to me. I was thinking about this the other day, and the people I miss when I go out of town are not usually my family I live with, but those who I consider family.

A good quote I found in a book the other day,
“We can't expect everybody to be there for us, all at once. So it's a lucky thing that really, all you need is someone. "

I have been working on this post for a good week now. This is a touchy subject for me to talk about because it is something that still bothers me and this is not the whole post. Yet, In the end all you really need is a family. You do not have to share the same blood or the same DNA but those are the people you could not imagine life without, those selective people that you truly trust. They are those people you can tell them you love them and they will return the same love with out expecting anything in return.